Saving the past
by Noodlejelly
Summary: He thought all he needed was power. He was about to discover how wrong he had been. He destroyed innocent lives, but now Peter Pettigrew must decide his own future once and for all, the easy road or the hard, the good or bad, the truth or the lie?
1. Thoughts of a Gryffindor

Disclaimer: I do not own Voldemort, Pettigrew or anything else in this story  
  
A/N: He thought all he needed was power. He was about to discover how wrong he had been. He destroyed innocent lives, he destroyed his friends' lives, and he destroyed hopes and dreams. Now Peter Pettigrew must decide his own future, the easy road or hard, the good or bad, the truth or the lie?  
  
Although it never said so in the books, I believe all the marauders were Gryffindors'. James, Sirius and Remus had to be, don't tell me you could imagine any of them in Slytherin, because you'll be lying. They wouldn't be friends with a Slytherin, remember how much Snape hates them all and pranksters wouldn't be in Slytherin, so Peter was a Gryffindor.  
  
I apologise to anybody who read this in the last week, because chapter one had being replaced with chapter three, my uploading thing is stupid and not working properly. Please forgive me  
  
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'Peter Pettigrew worst friend in the history of the world' Peter thought bitterly as he sat alone in a dark room just waiting for Voldemort to find another meaningless task for him to do. This was Peter's life, he hated it and yet he knew he had brought it on himself, this had been his choice, it could have been different if only Peter hadn't been a scared spineless coward.  
  
Peter had made many mistakes in his life, most of them small ones like using the wrong ingredients in potions or choosing to eat one of Sirius' trick sweets but one mistake was worse than all the other's put together. On the day a deatheater had approached him with tales of riches and immense power, Peter had been overwhelmed and chosen to betray his only friends, that had been a mistake. But even when he knew James and Lily were dead and his master fled, he panicked and thought only for himself, he framed Sirius, killed 12 muggles and broke his mother's heart.  
  
The next 12 years he had spent as a rat, had given him more thinking time than he liked, he still couldn't admit that he regretted what he did, he worked very hard to convince himself that power was all he wanted. After finding Voldemort, Peter had thought life would improve and he would be happy, he was wrong, but he still refused to acknowledge his mistakes.  
  
'Pettigrew, get the paper' Voldemort's voice echoed through the house, Peter trudged off sulkily to fetch the paper, this would probably be his most important job of the day. He couldn't believe he had allowed his life to turn out this way, no friends, no fun, no real meaning to it.  
  
Nobody wanted him, but it was his own fault, he had had friends, they had protected him and he had repaid them by betraying them all. He still tried to convince himself that they had deserved it and that he didn't care, but deep down his conscience told him that was a lie. James and Sirius had played tricks on him, been so much cleverer than him, and got all the girls especially Lily. But he knew these weren't good reasons to hate them, when it came down to it they had stuck up for him, helped him in class. James and Lily had shown so much trust in him by allowing him to be their secret keeper, even Sirius had thought Peter was loyal.  
  
He had had trouble even at the start thinking of reasons to hate Remus, he could only think that he was a werewolf, and he constantly reminded himself that Remus hadn't been actually been hurt, he had just lost a few friends. Even to Peter this sounded pathetic, Remus had lost everything as well, he had lost James and Lily forever, he had to deal with the hurt that came with Sirius' imprisonment and with the thought of Peter's death. But Remus had found out the truth last of all, it was almost ironic Remus had always been the first to notice things, but he had only discovered the true story 12 years later.  
  
They all knew the truth now; all the marauders finally knew exactly what had happened and they all knew who to blame. The blame rested firmly with Peter. James and Lily would have died knowing he betrayed them, Sirius would have spent all his years in Azkaban hating him and Remus finally knew Sirius had been innocent all along, the traitor was Peter.  
  
Peter checked no one was around, not that anyone in their right mind would dare to venture near this house that they thought was cursed, and in a way they were right Voldemort was a curse to anyone who met him. But then again the thought struck him that no one in their right mind would betray their best friends, no matter how jealous they were, and they definitely wouldn't want to hurt an innocent baby boy. He picked up the paper and on the front cover staring at him through dazzling green eyes was a James look alike, it was of course Harry Potter and Peter couldn't forget about him, not one day went by when some random thought of Harry hadn't popped unexpectedly into his head.  
  
Even though his excuses to hate James, Sirius and Remus seemed feeble at least he had a faint glimmer of reason, with Harry there was none. Harry had done nothing to him, actually that was lie, Harry had saved his life, Harry who had to endure more than any young boy should because of Peter, had actually saved him. Peter had to try very hard to not think of that, it made him seem weak and cowardly, and he had power now, power was all he needed, it was all he'd ever wanted, and yet a small voice in his head was saying 'but you are a Gryffindor'.  
  
Or rather had been, he knew Gryffindor's everywhere would be disgusted to be associated with him, they would claim the hat had been tricked by him and anyway it was too late to change now. But he knew that the hat was never wrong and as Dumbledore had once told them all at school, 'It is our own choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities'. Peter had chosen, he was never the most talented student, but he could have found good honest work, he hadn't, he had instead chosen to work for Voldemort and now he had to live forever with that knowledge.  
  
Peter sighed as he dragged himself back inside the house, Voldemort would be growing impatient by now and the thought made Peter walk faster, his life was bad enough without Voldemort been in a bad mood with him. So he went back inside to the life he hated, the life he detested even more than potions lessons, the life that had no purpose, the life Peter had chosen.  
  
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A/N: This is by no means the end, it's the beginning of a story I have actually planned out, and it will even have a plot (shock horror). There will be more dialogue in upcoming chapters, Voldemort will play a bigger part but there will still be a lot of Peter's thoughts, it's not that I like him, it's just an interesting idea for a story. Please review. Go on I just want 5 reviews and I'll publish the second chapter, I promise 


	2. Deatheaters

Disclaimer: All the characters are owned by J.K Rowling  
  
A/N: This is chapter two, there's going to be at least 6 chapters overall. So the deatheaters are around which causes Peter to reminisce even more  
  
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'My loyal deatheaters, the time is here again for you all to do my work' Voldemort announced grandly 'I am ready to take over this world now that I have gained so much strength despite Pettigrew's bumbling care'. Peter grew red as all the deatheaters laughed, a few even shot him evil glares for jeopardising their masters health, this wasn't fair Peter did everything and still got treated like the fool. He knew none of the deatheaters trusted him, if Peter betrayed his best friends, they had every reason to think he might betray them.  
  
'Master I have some information on Potter' Lucius Malfoy stepped forwards lowering is hood and smirking  
  
'Excellent Lucius, it's good to see that at least some of you do the work' Voldemort gave a weak smile that looked a lot like a smirk, a few of the deatheaters shuffled uncomfortably at this, but Peter still felt that it had been directed at him.  
  
This was the company that Peter was most nervous in, he knew every single one of the deatheaters would be all too happy to kill him. They didn't trust him, they never had and Peter couldn't blame them, he wouldn't trust someone like him. At least the deatheaters weren't as two-faced as he had been, even though a lot of them worked for the ministry and led seemingly normal lives, deep down everybody knew that they were deatheaters, they were Slytherin's with the Dark Mark on their arms, they weren't easy to miss. Peter had been a Gryffindor, he had betrayed all his friends and faked his own death, none of the deatheaters would have ever done that.  
  
Peter stopped listening as Voldemort and the deatheaters plotted the downfall of his house, he would only have been insulted anyway, so it was easier to just hide in the shadows until Voldemort called him over. He wished Voldemort needed his help, he wished the deatheaters would actually talk to him rather than just laugh at him. If they did then at least then he would have had a reason to turn to the dark side, it was times like this he felt torn, he almost wished he had stayed on the light side.  
  
It was all so hard, whatever he did was going to result in his death, there was no avoiding it. Stay with Voldemort and eventually Sirius or Remus would hunt him down, it might take them a few years but he knew that they wouldn't allow him to live now they knew what he had done. But turn against Voldemort and he would be killed by deatheaters.  
  
The only consolation he had was that at least his parents had never lived to find out his secrets, they would have been so ashamed of him, they had brought him up to respect everybody and be polite. His father had died just before he started Hogwart's and his mother had died a year after James and Lily did, she had died thinking that Peter was a hero. This touched a nerve with Peter, he had loved his mother, she meant a lot to him, and she was another on a very long list that Peter had deceived and let down. He could almost imagine a meeting up in heaven, with James, Lily, his mother, Bertha Jorkins and all the others he had helped Voldemort to kill, all sat round discussing how bad he was. The thought made him let out a bitter laugh, which got him glares off a few of the deatheaters nearby who were busy discussing how to capture Harry Potter.  
  
The thing about deatheater meetings was that in the past Peter had always been able to ignore them and pretend they weren't happening, he had almost been able to convince himself that it was all a dream. He'd lived for 12 years denying the past until Sirius and Remus had brought him with a crash back to the reality of his actions. He'd had no choice, it was life or death, basically he wanted life so he escaped again and sought out Voldemort. That was why he was here, that was why he allowed himself to just be a source of amusement to the deatheaters and that was why he did everything Voldemort told him to. He had been sure that Voldemort would reward him for telling him where Lily and James where, obviously he hadn't been and then he thought that saving Voldemort in Albania would have earned him some praise at least. So he kept convincing himself that any day soon Voldemort would give him the rewards he deserved, then he would gain everything he ever wanted.  
  
But when Peter thought hard about it, he wasn't that sure if he had gained anything, he had a new hand, but he had only lost it because of Voldemort, he had no money or any expensive robes. Even if he had money, he couldn't just stroll down Diagon Alley and pop into the pub for a pint of butterbeer, he was meant to be dead. He knew that a lot of people now knew that he was in fact alive, all the deatheaters knew, the marauders all knew, Harry and his friends knew, and if they knew it meant that Dumbledore and the rest of the Weasley's knew, even Snape knew. So if everyone knew the truth then what was he actually doing? Voldemort would kill him as soon as he got bored, he wasn't important in Voldemort's plans, he was just the little puppy who could be made to do whatever Voldemort felt like.  
  
When he was in this company Peter sometimes wondered how life might have been different if he hadn't been the secret keeper, if Sirius had never changed it. Would Lily and James still be alive or would Voldemort have killed even more people and would Peter have still joined him?  
  
He remembered the day when his best friends had made the biggest mistake of their live, trusting Peter  
  
'Peter, me and Lily have something to ask you' James had said his arm protectively round Lily's shoulders as she held a sleeping Harry gently in her arms.  
  
'We'd like you to be our secret keeper' Lily said in her honey sweet voice, that had being the moment time stopped, Peter had known he wouldn't be strong enough to keep it secret from Voldemort, he knew James and Lily were placing all their trust in him.  
  
'Yes, Of course I will' Peter heard the voice coming out of his mouth and wished he could take the words back, he knew that he had just started the slippery slope from which there was no return. Peter had seen the baby Harry open his eyes and look straight at him as though he knew what Peter had just done and even then in that moment he had somehow known that Harry would be important in his future. Now that Peter knew just how important Harry was he felt guilty, he had deprived the young boy of the life he wanted most of all, a family life.  
  
The worst part about it had been how easy it was, all he had said was 'yes', it was just one simple word and yet it had changed so much, one simple word and he had become an outcast.  
  
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A/N: So the deatheaters are gaining power and so is Voldemort, but Peter doubts are growing larger every day, which way is he going to turn? And more importantly can he ever save himself from the past he can't forget 


	3. Dreaming of a past and Quidditch

Disclaimer: Peter Pettigrew and the other characters if you recognise them all belong to J.K.Rowling  
  
A/N: Normally if I only had four reviews by this stage I would stop writing, but I'm giving it one last shot because the reviews I did get were very nice  
  
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Just to let you know, this is the real chapter three and I'm extremely sorry for when it was up as chapter one it was an honest mistake and to make up for it I will upload chapter four in the next day or so  
  
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They were camped back at Voldemort's childhood house, and from somewhere nearby Peter could hear shouting and laughing, he recognised the shouts, they were from a Quidditch match. He had always loved Quidditch, he had never been any good at it, but he still loved it even though James and Sirius had been the one's who played. Peter had seen so many games and even though he hadn't wanted to be, he had always been impressed at how well James had flown and when he had seen Harry fly, he saw the similarities and it made him feel sad. Sad because it reminded him of how much had changed between James' first game and Harry's first game, he had seen 6 of Harry's games, some of them when Ron had taken him in the stands. But even when Ron had left him in the dorm, he still watched from the window, it wasn't the same as been in the crowd but at least he got to watch.  
  
Peter would never forget James' last game in the seventh year, it all seemed a lifetime ago, when everything had been perfect. He hadn't been working for Voldemort, James and Sirius had been ecstatic from winning the Quidditch cup again, thanks to James' spectacular catch of the snitch, Remus had been sneaking up food from the kitchens for a party. And more importantly everybody had been happy.  
  
It had been another Quidditch match after which James asked Lily to marry him, this time they had been watching the world cup final together and even though everybody had been shocked because they were only 19 years old. It had just seemed right, they were perfect for each other, everybody knew it, even Peter, but it had all been spoilt by him.  
  
Peter had respected James so much for his ability at Quidditch, he thought he would have been the best seeker Hogwarts ever saw, but there was somebody better and of course sod's law said that that somebody just had to be James' son. He had never expected it, seeing Harry fly had made Peter feel guilty, it reminded him of James, and thinking of James led to thinking of Lily, Sirius and Remus, none of which were related to happy memories. But Peter still ignored the guilt that was gnawing at him, he had to ignore it, if he didn't he would be even more weak and pathetic than he already was and Peter had to prove that he was strong enough to make it on his own.  
  
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'Hello Wormtail' a voice whispered in his ear, he spun round horrified only the marauders had ever called him that, he saw nobody but that only increased his suffering  
  
'What's the matter Peter?' the voice asked mockingly  
  
'Who are you? Where are you?' Peter shouted, but only laughter echoed back off the dark black emptiness that surrounded him, he ran trying to find an escape  
  
'I'm everywhere, you can never escape me' the voice said softly as Peter realised his attempts to run were all in vain  
  
'Leave me alone' Peter dropped to his knees practically begging the voice to go away  
  
'I'll never leave you alone, that's the whole point, I'll be everywhere you go, in everything you do until the day you come back' the voice now sounded almost concerned and pitying  
  
'THERE'S NO WAY BACK, I cannot change the past' Peter yelled in desperation  
  
'You still don't understand, so I'll leave for now, but you can't ignore it forever' the voice grew weaker as it drifted further and further away. The light suddenly hurt his eyes as Peter returned to the real world, he knew he had had these dreams before many times, he didn't understand what they meant, he couldn't alter what he had done and he had no idea how he could make amends for it. It wasn't like when he had broken his mother's vase, all he had to do them was buy a new one and apologise, he had ruined people's lives and no amount of apologising would show how sorry he really was.  
  
They visited him every night in his dreams, a strange mixture of James, Sirius, Remus, Lily, Harry, Dumbledore, Snape and everyone else who had ever had a part in his past swept in and paid him a visit and every time it happened Peter woke up in a cold sweat.  
  
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He hurried outside to collect the paper and then went to Voldemort's room  
  
'What's in the paper?' Voldemort asked harshly when Peter entered  
  
'Sirius Black has been sighted in Southern England, Malfoy has been cleared of all charges of poisoning muggles and Harry Potter is still Gryffindor's Quidditch captain' Peter stammered quickly ignoring the fact that most of the news contained old friends and new enemies  
  
'Excellent' Voldemort cackled evilly rubbing his hands in glee. This worried Peter, the last time Voldemort had looked this happy was when he had worked out his plot for the Triwizard Cup, and that hadn't turned out well for anybody.  
  
'What's excellent?' Peter asked nervously, he knew he didn't want to know the answer  
  
'I should have known you wouldn't understand, you are incredibly stupid after all. If Potter plays Quidditch then Dumbledore can't exactly fly round him to protect him, so we can easily grab him' Voldemort said cruelly, making Peter feel even smaller than normal, Voldemort had a way of making Peter seem to be the stupidest man in the existence of the planet  
  
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A/N: OK if you read this then please review, just leave one word to let me know you read it, you don't have to write much but please write something 


	4. Glimpsing the past can be dangerous

Disclaimer: Peter Pettigrew and the other characters if you recognise them all belong to J.K.Rowling  
  
A/N: Well I have slightly more reviews, and as my way of apologising for messing up the order of chapters last week, here's the next one  
  
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Fate definitely didn't like him, after James and Lily had been killed, he had turned into a rat and found a nice wizarding family to settle down with. But of course after been passed from brother to brother, he ended up with Ron, who just happened to be best friends with Harry Potter, so Peter spent every day with James looking at him with Lily's eyes through Harry, Fate 1, Peter 0. Then they need a new teacher, so of course Dumbledore hires Remus, fate 2, Peter 0. And when nothing could get any worse, Sirius becomes the only person to ever escape Azkaban and hunts him down, fate 3, Peter 0. And where do they hold an impromptu reunion? Why no other place than the Shrieking Shack, the very place where they all met in happier days, fate wins hands down, no contest.  
  
  
  
Peter heard the cry of a werewolf in the distance, it reminded him of Remus, Peter had enjoyed full moons so much, together the four marauders had crept round Hogwarts, and they had thought themselves as kings of the world. A stranger group you wouldn't find, a werewolf, a stag, a dog and a rat all together, all explorers, all friends and all alive. None of them were really alive now, not in every sense of the word, James was dead, Sirius had lost a part of himself and would forever life with the memories of Azkaban and his best friends deaths, Remus tried to carry on but their was still a part of his eye that held sadness and suffering that could never leave. And Peter was considered dead, but even though he still breathed, he had lost a lot as well, but Peter had only himself to blame for that.  
  
  
  
There were times when Peter seriously thought James had ended up the best, he had done everything Peter could only dream of, he had had a good job, the perfect wife and a beautiful little boy. He had died before his reality could sour, but maybe the brief instances when James had known of Peter's betrayal had been enough to hurt him for a lifetime.  
  
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It was yet another deatheater meeting, these had being becoming more and more frequent recently and today's' meeting appeared to be a climax in Voldemort's plan for the capture of Harry Potter  
  
'So Avery and Knott if you fly over the pitch first, you grab Potter and Malfoy will be behind you to stop any ideas anyone may have about saving him' Voldemort announced proudly  
  
'Why don't we just kill him there and then' Goyle asked stupidly  
  
'Honestly you make Pettigrew look clever at times Goyle' Voldemort snapped annoyed at having to explain again 'I want the boy to know who killed him and if Dumbledore is around he may stop you'  
  
'When shall we do it?' Avery asked  
  
'Gryffindor play Slytherin tomorrow, no Slytherin will stand in your way, Lucius' son will make sure of that' Voldemort said and Peter noticed that Malfoy seemed even more smug than normal at this praise of his son, Peter remembered Draco who would no doubt one day very soon be an excellent deatheater  
  
'That's right my Lord' Lucius was so silky and smooth it was sickening to hear  
  
'Lucius make sure you do not fail, for you know all too well the penalty for failure' Voldemort said in a threatening voice that would have had Peter shaking in his boots, if he wore boots  
  
'I shall not make the same mistakes as my father' Lucius said gravely before he apparated. Peter was vaguely interested in this, he knew Malfoy's father had been a deatheater, but he had no idea what he had done wrong.  
  
Long after all the deatheaters had left Peter was left wandering around on his own, this wasn't unusual nobody ever seemed to care where he was, he walked down a corridor deep in the heart of Voldemort's manor and saw a room he didn't remember seeing before. Usually Peter would have stayed well away from anything unknown, but he was bored and decided to just peek round the door and see what was in there, it was dark and only seemed to be empty so he stepped fully in for a closer look.  
  
Peter caught a glimpse of his reflection in a shattered mirror at the end of the room, it shocked him for the reflection showed Peter as a child. Peter went closer to it, and when he read the words written around the gold frame, he knew it was the Mirror of Erised, Voldemort had stolen it a few years ago just to prove that he could.  
  
Peter had seen the mirror once before in his sixth year, the marauders had found it when they were exploring under the invisibility cloak. James had seen himself with Lily, which had shocked no-one, Sirius claimed he saw himself eating cream cakes, no-one believed Sirius, but whatever Sirius had really seen he wanted to keep private. Remus had seen himself strolling round the lake on a full moon in his human form, and Peter had seen himself simply surrounded by his friends and family, but he lied to the others and said he saw himself with Sirius' current girlfriend which had made them all laugh.  
  
But looking deep into the mirror, Peter saw the same thing he had seen over 20 years ago, himself as a 16-year-old with the marauders and his family around him. The first time he had thought it a mistake, but how could he deny it again? Peter had searched for wealth and power and yet the thing he still wanted most was to have true friends and family. Peter ran from the image, if he believed what he had seen, it would mean that he had gained nothing and lost everything he really wanted. And the moment Peter let himself lose himself in the past, would be the moment when he admitted his life was worth nothing.  
  
He willed himself to forget what he had seen, he needed to forget, if he didn't it would eat away at him, slowly driving him crazy until it finally took him over and destroyed him. Peter feel into a fitful sleep that night full of demons and Voldemort killing him, when he awoke it was already light and he hurried back to the manor hoping that Voldemort wouldn't mind he had been gone all night.  
  
Deatheaters were milling around everywhere, it had been the day the Potter plan had been put into action.  
  
Peter turned into the vast grounds and he knew instantly that the deatheaters had succeeded for laying unconscious tied to a gravestone was Harry.  
  
'Master let us kill him now and be done with it' Knott was saying  
  
'No, we will wait till he wakes up, I have waited 15 years for this day, he will not escape now' Voldemort said confidently  
  
'But master….' another deatheater started to say, but trailed off instantly when he saw Voldemort's face contort with anger. Peter knew what the deatheaters were worried about, 4 times in the past Harry had seemingly had no chance of escaping Voldemort but each time he had managed.  
  
'I said no, now get out of my house' Voldemort hissed obviously very angry that they had questioned his judgement, the pops echoed round the graveyard as the deatheaters went back to their families. Peter remained staring at Harry's motionless figure, Harry had no family and neither did Peter, but it was very different. Harry's family had all died standing up to Voldemort, Peter's family had all died because Peter hadn't.  
  
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A/N: Oh dear, this isn't very good for poor Harry, will Peter be able to cope with constant reminders of his past and continue to serve Voldemort. You'll have to review to find out 


	5. Uncomfortable conversations

Disclaimer: Peter Pettigrew and the other characters if you recognise them all belong to J.K.Rowling  
  
A/N: It is likely that Peter will be doing something heroic in this story or then again maybe he'll just do something stupid or nothing at all, you can never tell. Thank you very much to Nari-chan, Lady Feylene, thistlemeg, Laura, Meisako, TalesMN and Nostrademons for reviewing, you guys are the only real reason for me writing this, so I hope you enjoy this chapter, it will probably be the last one with a lot of thoughts because now Harry's captured we can start dealing more with the present.  
  
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Another day, another pointless day, it would be just like the rest, Voldemort would order him round and he would do nothing to give his life any meaning. This obviously wasn't how he had imagined his life would turn out, he had had so many dreams about how when he had power everyone would bow down to him and worship him. And yet his most important task was collecting the Daily Prophet and feeding the snake, it was hardly a fulfilling job and at that very moment he was again trudging down to the end of the street to collect the paper.  
  
Looking back he couldn't remember a time when he had actually just enjoyed living life for the sake of it, but then again what did he have to enjoy? There was no going back to his carefree days of youth, not that they had actually been carefree, they were just better than his life now, not that that was hard, anything would be better then his life now.  
  
He couldn't go back, he wouldn't be allowed to go back even if he did want to, it just wasn't possible. He could hardly casually yell to Voldemort that he was leaving, waltz up to Dumbledore, announce he was alive and moving back. Nobody would accept him, but that wasn't the problem because nobody accepted him here either, the problem was it was too late to go back. A simple sorry couldn't put right all the things he had done, nothing could.  
  
He hadn't been stupid at school, he may not have been the cleverest person in the year but he was by no means stupid. It didn't help that he had been friends with James, Sirius and Remus who along with Lily had been top of every subject, he may have been dumb in comparison to them. But he still managed to become an amigus, which was an advanced form of magic, yet in years to come no one would remember that, they would all remembered a scared weak traitor, and the worst thing was Peter knew that was true.  
  
No way back and no way forward, Peter was trapped in a nightmare, but this nightmare had lasted over 15 years and every time he closed his eyes he would see the moment that changed his life. He replayed over and over again what he should have said, he should have said no, he should have refused to betray James and Lily and he should have told them what had happened. Sirius was right, he should have died, he should have died rather than betray his friends.  
  
Peter grabbed the paper and quickly skimmed the headlines, he always did this and the real reason was he was hoping against hope that the date on the paper would tell him that he was still at Hogwarts and the last 20 years of his life had all been a terrible nightmare. He honestly wanted nothing more than to start again, he would make so many changes and save so many lives, without realising it Peter had begun to walk down the hill towards the village deep in thought.  
  
Living in the past was something Peter had become remarkably good at over the years, he could almost make himself believe he was still at Hogwarts, he could picture himself in the common room. If he closed his eyes really tight and blocked out everything else, he could still see Remus laughing as he beat Peter at yet another chess game, Sirius sneaking up from the kitchens with Pumpkin Pies for everyone and James using his invisibility cloak to sneak up behind Lily and scare her, which earned him a slap as usual. In fact he could remember other common room scenes from only 5 years ago, Ron and Hermione having another huge argument, Harry staying out of the way talking to the Weasley twins who were planting dungbombs in the girl's dormitories. But none of these scenes were anything but forgotten glimpses of the past, and the past wasn't going to save him now.  
  
The truth or the lie? That was the question that followed Peter around everywhere, the truth held so many dangers for him, while the lie constantly followed him whispering in his ear. It was one of those cartoon scenes, on one shoulder sat a white angel and on the other sat the red devil, the only problem was they had both abandoned him in disgust. There was no way he was angelic he had caused far too much suffering, but he wasn't bad enough to be the devil he hadn't even had the guts to kill Lily and James himself, he betrayed them and then run away to hide.  
  
Peter knew that he couldn't change the past, and he needed to get back to Voldemort so he tried to pull himself together and turned to head back to the Manor but crashed straight into a woman who had seemingly appeared from nowhere.  
  
'I'm sorry' Peter said at exactly the same time as the woman, Peter brushed his clothes down and made a move to hurry off but he noticed the woman had narrowed her eyes as though thinking hard  
  
'You seem familiar, have we met?' the women asked curiously, it would be just Peter's luck if she was a witch  
  
'No, I don't think so' Peter stuttered nervously trying to find an escape  
  
'Are you sure? I never forget a face' the women studied his face intently, Peter felt very uncomfortable  
  
'I'm sure, I'm sorry for banging into you, I'll be going now' Peter said desperately  
  
'Just wait, I'll ask my husband, maybe he knows you. Maybe you were in the paper or something' the women mused as she turned to call her husband over, Peter saw what appeared to be her wand sticking out of her pocket and a small Ravenclaw badge on the side of her bag, he had to get out of there before they recognised him  
  
'I really have to go' Peter said backing away as fast as he could, the women's husband now stood by her side and he was staring at him while she muttered in his ear  
  
'He does look a bit like….. but it can't be' the man seemed rather flustered and Peter gave up all pretence as he ran away to the nearest hiding place he could find, he could still hear their conversation  
  
'Don't be silly dear, Peter Pettigrew died years ago' the man said finally  
  
'But it looked just like him, I knew him you know' the women insisted  
  
'I know, but it was probably just some muggle you scared' even the man seemed doubtful as though he had to convince himself that he hadn't just seen a dead wizard in a muggle village  
  
'I suppose so, but he did look remarkably like him' the women's voice faded as the couple went round the corner. Maybe one day they would discover that they really had met Peter and they would be shocked and disgusted. Peter was slightly shaken as he ran back to the manor, he hadn't thought anyone would still remember him after all these years, but what he had done would be remembered forever. It would always be remembered, whether it was the true version or the version of events that Peter had invented that was remembered was a different story.  
  
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If you read this then please review, you don't even have to write anything just let me know you're reading 


	6. The Marauders map and a dream

Disclaimer: Peter Pettigrew and the other characters if you recognise them all belong to J.K.Rowling  
  
A/N: Another chapter for everyone to just not review, oh well here goes nothing  
  
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After his close run in with a witch in the village Peter had tried harder than ever to work hard for Voldemort, everything they were doing now seemed to revolve around Harry who had been captured two days before. Peter was carrying things backwards and forwards from various rooms for Voldemort, he passed the place where Harry was been held captive and glanced in. Harry didn't look at him and Peter was glad, how could he justify what he had helped Voldemort to do, he couldn't and yet he had done it anyway.  
  
Looking at Harry Peter he felt a small pang of pain that seemed a lot like regret. The funny thing about regret is it never goes away, sometimes you got the chance to change it, but Peter didn't think it would be a chance he got, he had done too much wrong, gone too far and turned too evil.  
  
That afternoon was another deatheater meeting, a piece of parchment had been found on Harry that Lucius Malfoy had felt might be important so it had been brought to Voldemort, from what Peter had heard it was just a blank piece of parchment. Peter approached the meeting a caught a glimpse of the parchment in question, he knew instantly what it was and seeing it felt very much like he was been hit in the face.  
  
Voldemort was holding the marauders map in his hand curiously, the deatheaters were crowded round in a semi-circle all watching. Voldemort was muttering spells under his breath and Peter from the position he had reached next to Voldemort knew what would happen  
  
'Show me the secrets you hide, I am Lord Voldemort' Voldemort shouted as though the map could hear him, and surprisingly for everyone but Peter the map began to mist up and words started to appear, Peter read them in suspense  
  
'Mr Moony begs his gracious sir to keep out of business that doesn't concern him' the map misted again  
  
'Mr Padfoot would like to tell Mr Voldemort to get his filthy hands off things that don't belong to him' the deatheaters seemed half-amused by this but Voldemort looked ready to kill  
  
'Mr Prongs informs you that Voldemort is no better than Tom Riddle, it's still the same man behind the name' nobody not even Peter had expected that to come up  
  
'And Mr Wormtail wants you to get some decent contacts and a good nights sleep because Mr Riddle's eyes look awful'  
  
The map misted again with the words 'Courtesy of Prongs, Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail', Voldemort looked livid at this  
  
'Explain this. Are you not Wormtail?' Voldemort spun around and accused Peter, who had been prepared for this ever since he first saw the map,  
  
'Yes master, it's just a prank' Peter tried to explain  
  
'Work it' Voldemort barked out and Peter scurried over and said the words that used to signal the start of joyous fun 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good' the map misted again for a second and Peter trembled in fear before it revealed Hogwarts in all it's glory.  
  
Peter had been lucky to escape any more questions from Voldemort, he needed time to think, or rather he needed time to forget the blast from the past that had suddenly appeared. Even though he had known the map would insult Voldemort, the map had not been meant to recognise Voldemort, it had been charmed with special insults for Snape and Lily in case they ever got hold of it. James and Sirius had probably altered it with more insults for Voldemort, they had never asked Peter to help them, they either forgot or maybe they had never really trusted him. And the way things had turned out, who could have blamed them?  
  
He wandered aimlessly around the countryside surrounding the village before it grew dark and Peter slunk back to his room, careful to avoid deatheaters and Voldemort who might still want to ask him yet more uncomfortable questions about his past and the map. He eventually fell in a deep sleep after hours of tossing and turning  
  
'Wormtail' the voice had returned again  
  
'Who are you?' Peter finally asked the one simple question he had never thought to ask before  
  
'I am everything you are' the answer wasn't simple  
  
'I am me' Peter tried to explain, he didn't feel like he was asleep any more but these dreams were getting more and more strange  
  
'You are James, Sirius, Harry and everyone else you hurt'  
  
'Leave me alone' Peter suddenly didn't want to hear anything that concerned the past, he couldn't face it anymore  
  
'It's time you knew the truth. Stop running Wormtail you already know this in your heart' the voice was quiet and it made Peter shiver  
  
'Fine tell me, who am I really?' Peter snapped trying not to look worried, it was just a dream, it didn't mean anything but he wasn't waking up like he wanted to  
  
'Every time you hurt someone, you take a piece of them away and they can never get it back until you give it back'  
  
'I give it back' Peter said quickly hoping that now he would be able to wake up  
  
'Not enough I'm afraid, life is never that simple, you tormented so many people there are few ways to make amends and these few ways are hard'  
  
'I can't do anything hard or brave or truthful, don't you get it?' Peter couldn't believe he was still having this conversation in a dream  
  
'A Gryffindor can do whatever he sets his mind to'  
  
'Then I guess I'm not a Gryffindor' the very moment Peter said that he felt a pang of pain  
  
'But you are, you were back then, you are now and you will be forever more, the only thing is how can you prove it? Find a way and maybe the thing you want most will finally be yours' the voice grew more distant and Peter sat up in his bed in shock. He was sweating profusely and looked around as though expecting the voice to still be in the room somewhere, he kept reminding himself that it was all over now and it had just been a strange dream or rather a nightmare. The only problem was that the voice had actually made a lot of sense.  
  
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A/N: Oh dear more nightmares for Peter, maybe they'll start to make him feel guilty or maybe more prodding is needed. Stupid computer, I cannot get italics to work they appear in word but as soon as I upload it they disappear, anyway please review 


	7. Conversations with clouds

Disclaimer: Peter Pettigrew and the other characters if you recognise them all belong to J.K.Rowling  
  
A/N: This is the second to last chapter, I see no point in asking you to review because you never seem to listen  
  
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Peter sat with his hands on his head as silent tears trickled down his cheeks, he had made such a mess and he really did want to make things better, but he couldn't. He was weak and cowardly and he knew it, he might as well stay with Voldemort it was at least better than death. The sky that had been almost pitch black filled with stars and clouds suddenly drifted across, Peter's tears dried up as he remembered his father taking him camping when he was little. Peter had been fascinated by the stars, they were so far away and yet they were so bright, his father had told him a story that he had remembered all his life. Every time a loved one dies all you have to do is look to the stars and they'll be there in the stars watching over you.  
  
Peter felt angry that he had believed his father, after his death he had spent whole nights looking at the stars, talking to them thinking that his father was listening  
  
'Where are you dad? You promised you'd always watch over me' Peter stood up and shouted to the sky, he felt betrayed and alone. He didn't expect an answer, he had stopped believing a long time ago, but the clouds shifted again and he heard his father's voice echo around him  
  
'I always have', Peter spun around alarmed  
  
'Dad, where are you? Please come back' Peter was like a small child again  
  
'Peter you are more than what you have become' his father's voice didn't sound angry just disappointed which made it even worse  
  
'I'm sorry, it's too hard, I'm not good enough' Peter was desperate to explain to his father that he wasn't evil, just misunderstood  
  
'You are my son and a true Gryffindor, you must return what isn't yours' the voice got further and further away, Peter started to cry again as he chased the cloud that moved away, he knew it was in vain. But how could he do what his father wanted? He had taken so much, worst of all he had taken his friends innocent lives and no matter what, he couldn't think of any way to prove that he was a Gryffindor.  
  
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Many hours later Peter returned to Voldemort's house, nobody seemed to have realised he had even gone Harry was still tied to the gravestone probably unconscious again and Voldemort was having a private conversation with Malfoy in the corner. Peter stood waiting with the rest of the deatheaters until suddenly  
  
'WHAT, Malfoy you said it was taken care of' Voldemort shouted angrily after Lucius Malfoy had murmured something in his ear  
  
'I'm sorry master, it seems Potter's friends foiled our plan somehow' Malfoy seemed very uncomfortable, everybody knew the kind of temper Voldemort had  
  
'You'll never capture them' Harry said sitting up with great effort  
  
'That does not matter, I have you and nothing not even your measly friends can save you now unless you want to join the dark side' Voldemort glared at Harry before barking out instructions 'Deatheaters go to Hogsmede and stop any rescue plan they may have, I have unfinished business with Potter' he laughed cruelly. Peter was not sure if he was included in that instruction or not and Voldemort seemed to sense that  
  
'Pettigrew stays with me, he's no help to anyone' Voldemort said as the deatheaters apparated laughing at Peter's expense, Peter felt angry but he couldn't do anything  
  
'Yes master' he muttered sheepishly feeling ashamed and embarrassed at himself  
  
'So boy, are you going to join me?' Voldemort said in a mocking voice to Harry  
  
'Never and you know that good will always triumph over evil scum like you' Harry seemed very angry and Peter felt even more ashamed, he knew he should have been brave and strong like Harry instead of weak and cowardly  
  
'Really? Then why is it you're about to die? No-one good could save you, not Dumbledore, not your parents or any other Gryffindor. In fact Pettigrew was the first Gryffindor to join me, he wont be the last, maybe that Weasley friend of yours will be next' Voldemort laughed he was enjoying playing with Harry, but Harry didn't rise to the bait he simply smiled wryly and shrugged  
  
'Last chance Potter, choose light or dark' Voldemort was now twirling his wand round in anticipation of killing the boy who had cost him so much, all three of them knew what Harry's reply would be  
  
'I choose light, and it simply takes one other person to choose light over dark and you will be defeated again, it might not be me, but someday there will be someone else' Harry seemed to gain strength and comfort from this small speech. Peter felt shame wash over him, it was as though Harry was speaking directly to him, and he couldn't remember any reason for why he had chosen the dark instead of the light. And in that instant he knew he had been completely wrong, it had never been about who had power and who didn't, it was about living a good life no matter who you were.  
  
'I'll show you what choosing the dark path brings you' Voldemort cackled, his eyes flashing as he seemed to think of an even more evil plan with which to make Harry's remaining moments on Earth even more tortuous  
  
'You boy, will be killed by a Gryffindor who chose the dark path, he betrayed everyone he knew to seek power, and now I will give him the ultimate prize. Pettigrew kill Harry Potter' Voldemort turned to Peter as he said this, Peter felt his blood run cold as he raised his wand arm and turned to face Harry. 


	8. Saving it all

Disclaimer: Peter Pettigrew and the other characters if you recognise them all belong to J.K.Rowling  
  
A/N: Well here it is, the final chapter and I just hope somebody is reading this  
  
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'You boy, will be killed by a Gryffindor who chose the dark path, he betrayed everyone he knew to seek power, and now I will give him the ultimate prize. Pettigrew kill Harry Potter' Voldemort turned to Peter as he said this, Peter felt his blood run cold as he raised his wand arm and turned to face Harry.  
  
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Something inside Peter rose to the surface, it was bravery, daring and nerve, it was time to chose again, he had another chance to right the wrongs and make amends. He couldn't change the past but he could still change the future, he could show the world the truth, he could prove that he had been put in Gryffindor for a reason. And he knew that this was the time to do something he should have done a long time ago  
  
'No' Peter finally had the courage to say what he should have said in the first place as he lowered his wand arm  
  
'I told you to kill him' Voldemort said slowly, as though Peter was simply a disobedient child  
  
'I said NO' Peter practically shouted the last word  
  
'You dare to defy Lord Voldemort, do you realise what you are doing?' Voldemort was stunned and slightly amused, he was still confident that he was in no danger, after all it was only Peter, he may have suddenly discovered a backbone but he was still only Peter  
  
'Yes I do, I should have done it a long time ago' Peter voiced his true feelings  
  
'I gave you your hand, I gave you power, I gave you all you needed' Voldemort spat  
  
'You gave me nothing except hate' Peter didn't know what he could do except stand his ground  
  
'Get out of the way, I'll deal with you later' Peter knew Voldemort meant kill him later, but it no longer mattered  
  
'I won't let you kill Harry Potter' Peter hissed in barely a whisper, he didn't know why but he felt as though protecting Harry was all that mattered, it wasn't just that Harry had saved his life, it was more than that, it went deeper, it was remorse and regret.  
  
'What can you do to stop me?' if Voldemort had ever been likely to laugh, now would be the time he did it, the very idea of Peter been brave was laughable  
  
'I don't know' Peter was suddenly unsure again, like so many times before in his life he was in danger of backing down and giving way, but he saw Voldemort's triumphant sneering smile and knew that he had to do something. Harry was all that was left, Peter knew now that Sirius had been right, they would all have died for him, and yet Peter had let them be destroyed. James and Lily were dead, that was his fault, Sirius had spent his life as an outlaw blaming himself, that was his fault, and Remus' gentle caring spirit had been crushed, that was his fault.  
  
'Move now or face the consequence' Voldemort warned, finally growing bored of bothering with Peter, it made no difference to his plans if Peter was alive or not, but he still expected Peter to obey him.  
  
Peter couldn't talk any more from fear, he felt like running away as fast as he could, he could easily step aside and go back to Voldemort, but the sight of Harry tied up moved him.  
  
He had seen more of Harry growing up than James and Lily had, Harry had known that Peter was to blame for his parents death but still let him live. Never in the three years that Peter had seen Harry at Hogwarts, had Harry done anything that wasn't good, he was everything James and Lily had dreamed he would be and so much more, he was proud, noble, strong, brave and pure. Even after everything that had happened Harry was pure, and Peter felt certain that if he had to die right now, it wouldn't matter so long as Harry lived.  
  
So Peter shook his head at Voldemort, he wasn't going to move, he didn't know what he would do next, he suddenly had a very strong urge to laugh hysterically, he now knew how Sirius had felt when he had been arrested, like it had all just been a bad dream. But it wasn't and upon seeing Peter's reply, Voldemort shrugged obviously without caring and pointed his own wand at Harry.  
  
Harry simply looked up, he wasn't fearful, he looked peaceful facing death, as though this what had to happen, but Peter realised that he had one last chance. This would be the only chance he got to prove that he was sorry for what he had done, 'you never know till you're tested' Peter remembered the saying Remus had once said to him and felt himself smile, this was it, he was been tested. And he knew what he had to do, with his thoughts filled with memories of the happier days, of an ecstatic James swinging Lily round in the common room after a Quidditch game, while Sirius laughed looking carefree. Remus smiling as he looked up from his chess game to laugh at them all and Peter sat in the middle of them all joining in the laughter and jokes. These were the memories he wanted to keep, and he did something nobody would have ever expected, he jumped.  
  
He had jumped at the same moment Voldemort had uttered 'Avada Kedavra', and the blast of green light hit Peter in the stomach sending Peter's lifeless body to the feet of a stunned Harry. Harry finding himself suddenly freed sat in shock for a few moments, processing what had happened, looking at the dead form of his parent's betrayer at his feet and seeing Voldemort in a very weakened state run away, before leaning forward to close Peter's eyes very gently.  
  
Nobody really understood what had happened in that instance when Peter had jumped and altered his future. Voldemort had fled his life was once again drained, Harry was now safe to live the life James and Lily had wanted him to, Sirius was cleared he was free to carry on his life, Remus regained his friends and found a reason to wake up happy in the mornings. And Peter lay dead in a small grave, it had been a simple ceremony attended by Harry, Remus and Dumbledore, none of them had much to say, but had wanted to be there for their own reasons. They didn't need to say anything, the words on the gravestone summed it up:  
  
  
  
Peter Pettigrew  
  
  
  
There's no understanding what he did  
  
But his final act, saved many innocents  
  
And now he no longer needs to seek redemption  
  
He has it already  
  
R.I.P  
  
  
  
A/N: Well there it is all 8 complete chapters, the ending was kinda unbelievable but hey it's my story and nobodies been reviewing. Thank you to those kind souls who took the time to review, I appreciate it but I will now go back to writing my H/H stories that people actually review, 'One bad boy' 72 reviews for three chapters, I'm proud 


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